The Future...

Hey,
Well, I really should get around to talking about what's going to be happening to me in the next coming weeks and months, as I'm sure you're all bursting with anticipation....

A few weeks ago you know I posted about the lack of possibilities of me going to med school in the UK, well I seem to have spoken too soon. 3 weeks ago, I received an offer from Southampoton to study in their 4 year medical course. that was my first choice. So, God willing, I'll be heading over to England in late September. Crazy.

Before that though, I'm going back home for the summer. I'll be arriving back in Dublin on May 16th. So first order of business, I need a job. If any one knows of any jobs that you think i'd like/could do PLEASE! let me know. I'll need money if I want to stay in England.

So yeah, I guess that 's it. I've got a week left till I officially graduate, and I'm running around mad trying to get everything finished and done before I can officially get my degree. I need that so that I can turn it in to Southampton as a condition of my offer. Anyway, prayer would be greatly welcomed over the next few weeks.

That's it

Anthro Musings

So every semseter Wheaton has "Department Chapels." This is when each academic department (in my case the Sociology/Anthropology Dept.) gets together to worship and share together during chapel time. Each spring in the Soc/Anthro chapel we hear from two graduating seniors, one sociology major and one anthropology major. For some odd reason or another I was chosen to speak this year as the anthro major. I got a really positive reception and a lot of people told me they appreciated what I said, so I thought I might use my speech as a blog post, since I haven' posted in a good while. (Let's see what non-soc/anthro people think of it...).


So when I was originally asked to speak in chapel, I was a bit surprised. When I think of all the graduating seniors, I have to ask, why did they ask me? I’m not really someone who I would like to listen to. But as I thought about it more, I realized, “Oh yeah! I’m the token Male."

So why are there so few Male Anthropology majors? Maybe what puts us off is when all the freshman women Anthropology majors who, when asked what they study, reply, “I study men.” I’d rather think it has more to do with Dr. Howell’s explanation of the situation, that most men just mature later than women, so that I’m one of the select few “early bloomers,” but I guess we all have to admit that it probably is mainly to do with the fact that our Anthro faculty is staffed by two stunningly attractive men. No, honestly I think the reason can be found in the bio-evolutionary instinct of self-preservation. The truth is simple, “Anthropology messes you up”, and that’s not something most of us, especially men, feel comfortable with. So let me tell you why I would have chosen such a path, and maybe why that might not be such a bad thing at all.

I remember sitting at my kitchen table, at home in Ireland, with this confusing list of freshman semester courses and a shiny brand new 02-03 catalogue, trying to figure out how to be a pre-med without having to be a science major. I randomly saw a course called Biculturalism. “Bicultural” happened to be my Ebay screen name. I’d always felt that term (which I actually thought I had coined) described me pretty well. I was culturally very Irish, and also very American. Not knowing how college courses worked, I assumed I needed to take Intro if I wanted to take a “big upper division course” like Biculturalism. That then led me to my first day of college sitting in Armerding waiting for our Intro to Anthroplogy prof to come. When Dr. Howell first started class, I have to say I was sort of taken aback. This man was bizarre. I’d never met anyone like him before. The way he talked, and acted, the things he said. I have to admit, I almost reconsidered taking the class, but I’m glad that soon enough, I fell under the spell of his discourse and within a few weeks I made my first forum wall post at Wheaton, campaigning to end the death penalty in Illinois. Dr. Howell unashamedly encouraged us to go to his church, Bridgeway, where I have attended since my third week of College. Dr. Howell always encouraged us to be involved in experiences and relationships that made us uncomfortable. This led me to volunteer with Emmaus Ministries freshman year. This experience drastically changed the course of my life. I learned about and encountered first hand the things we were learning about in class: systemic sin, racism, poverty and the complexities of sexuality and gender. I guess I was just starting to get messed up.

In biculturalism Dr. Arnold taught me how to put into words a lot of what I had felt in my life growing up. He also taught me how to approach the new uncomfortable experiences I was becoming involved in. One of the most helpful and enduring principles that I learned from him was “postponing judgment.” When I came across an idea or practice that I viscerally reacted to as wrong, I should learn instead to rest in the ambiguity for a while as I try to develop a richer, deeper and more nuanced understanding of the situation, before I come down with a judgment or decision. I’ve found this principle invaluable for many occasions in my life like trying to understand those I roomed with, or the constant everyday misunderstandings in Cambodia on HNGR and definitely even today’s Soul Force visit. Anthropology teaches us how to approach and begin thinking about ideas, that Dr. Howell’s “males who haven’t matured yet” still want to see in terms of black and white, with all the complexity and nuance and greyness that they deserve. This is important especially for the Christian life, where we can too often be so quick to judge without much consideration and even less compassion. Oh how we are so messed up.

One of the hard parts about being an Anthro major is that when someone asks you “what do you actually study?” you have to give them an awkward look for a few seconds as you try and formulate how to reply that “I really don’t have the foggiest idea” but in a way that sounds like you’re really intelligent and still belong at Wheaton. Sometimes it may be hard to find something to point to that we actually learned during our four years in the department. Anthropology at Wheaton though, is not as much about learning a certain body of material, as it is more about being shaped as a person. One of the major ways I’ve been shaped by Anthropology is in my need too keep questioning and rethinking, to never accept the way that we do things as normative, to always be looking for other perspectives and trying to learn from them the best that I can. It’s to see how culturally formed we all are and then to question how that relates to our lived out lives and our faith.

Vincent Donovan a catholic priest who ministered among the Masai wrote (about ministry) “Never accept or be content with unanalyzed assumptions, assumptions about the work, about the people, about the church or Christianity. Never be afraid to ask questions about the work we have inherited or the work we are doing. There is no question that should not be asked or that is outlawed. The day we are completely satisfied with what we have been doing; the day we have found the perfect, unchangeable system of work, the perfect answer, never in need of being corrected again, on that day we will know that we are wrong, that we have made the greatest mistake of all.”

I know sometimes, as majors, we can make the mistake of talking about Anthropology as if it were a source of salvation, or “the enlightened path.” Strangely, this is something I don’t see the Math department struggling with. But even though Anthropology in itself is (I know) shockingly useless for redemption, it can help us to recognize the true way. It can help us to recognize that we don’t have to flatly believe what our societies tell us about reality. It helps us to get out of sync with what we’d previously thought was true. Sometimes I wish Introduction to Anthropology had come with a similar disclaimer to the one Daniel Quinn’s Ishmael (in the book of the same name) gives his student, “This is just to preface our work. I wanted you to hear it because I wanted you to have at least a vague idea of what you’re getting into here. Once you learn to discern the voice of Mother Culture humming in the background, telling her story over and over again, to the people of your culture, you’ll never stop being conscious of it. Wherever you go for the rest of your life, you’ll be tempted to say to the people around you, “How can you listen to this stuff and not recognize it for what it is?” And if you do this, people will look at you oddly and wonder what the devil you’re talking about. In other words, if you take this educational journey with me, you’re going to find yourself alienated from the people around you- friends, family, past associates, and so on.”

The truth is simple, Anthropology messes you up, but probably in the best possible way. It encourages you, even if just for a moment, to question the long standing rhythm of this world, to be able to hear a different melody. Maybe in this moment then we can listen for the sound of God’s Kingdom, and as we hear its soft but unshakable tune, we can join in, messed up as we are, and contribute to its disturbing, invigorating, beauty.

I miss you Kampucheea

I’ve been working really hard on my Research from Cambodia today (Saturday), and for a break I thought I’d write up an entry or two from the narrative portion of my field journal…read it if you’d like. This is Cambodia through my eyes. (this is unedited except for spelling and punctuation).

Thursday 19-05-05 (Written 23-05-05).
I want to quickly talk about my first impressions the evening I arrived in Phnom Penh. Sue met me at the airport with the document that I needed to get an NGO visa. She was a great sight for sore eyes. I was really happy to know that someone was there to pick me up as I hadn’t received final conformation of this. When I got my bag we went outside and had a quick drink where she gave me my phone and gave me a really quick security orientation, which basically was, “don’t carry more than 40 dollars, cause people get held up by gunmen quite regularly and they WILL shoot if you don’t give them all your money.”

Then she took me in her “tuk, tuk” and loaned me Kristin’s helmet. When I arrived in my neighbourhood it was all a bit surreal, it was dark but there were a few lights on which gave the place a sort of mystical/magic/romantic feel. I was definitely in a slum, a very foreign place, but I had a real peace and it didn’t feel intimidating. I laughed as one of the first things I saw was a naked little girl run up the path, I thought “how typical” for a third world slum, it was like something from a World Vision ad.

I came into the “house” the downstairs was only enclosed by some metal wiring and not even completely. They ushered me directly upstairs to my room. After a few minutes, Sue left with a look that seemed to say she was really sorry for me. I went back upstairs to “unpack” but really more to catch my breath. The whole household (nearly) came up into my room and told me their names which I couldn’t pronounce and forgot almost immediately. Serey was there and translated a bit. I found out later that night that Terum (actually Teraa –edit 14-07-05) was going to stay in the room with me. I thought that was great (even though they got craig’s directions pretty wrong, ah well). I went to bed early that night-around 8:30, partly cause I was tired, partly cause I was a bit overwhelmed and didn’t know what else to do. It was loud and noisy but eventually I got to sleep - did I mention it was hot? Yeah it was an oven, and I was swimming in my own sweat.

Senior Banquet

Well tonight was the "Senior Banquet." It was a free banquet for all graduating seniors, basically just a night to get all dressed up, give out "most likely to" awards, have a talent show and announce the senior gift to Wheaton.

It was a fun enough night. I got to sit next to some pretty cool people so we were having fun. They kept mentioning that there were only 43 days left to graduation. I sort of guess that this night serves to remind us all that "oh yeah, we are leaving soon, so let's enjoy it." Afterwords we took the "class picture in Edman Chapel. This picture above is of almost all remaining floormates of mine who spent both freshman and sophmore years on 2 east. It's good to keep the memories alive.

Afterwords, lots of people were having get togethers and parties. I stopped by one to see a friend who was visiting for the weekend who had graduated last year, and then moved to the HNGR house to watch the motorcycle diaries with some friends. It's a beautiful movie (one that I've seen before) but makes me excited about learning spanish next year and possibly travelling to south america at some point in the future, something I never would have considered before a couple of years ago.

Also, in other news. My roommate and I are currently hosting 2 students visiting from Franciscan university in Ohio. Franciscan (as the name suggests) is a Catholic university comparable with wheaton, where there is a large proportion of students who take their faith very seriously. It has been fun (in whatever brief moments we've had) to interact with some Catholics who know a lot about their faith and who have a palpable love for Christ and his church. It's so refreshing especially to me as I've grown up around many Catholics who don't know much about their faith and for who it doesn't play a large role in their lives, I hope to have more chances over this weekend to learn from these Catholic brothers of mine.

Med School Update

Hey everyone,

Well I got some more news on med school today. I was officially rejected from Newcastle (the place I went to have an interview over spring break). This means that with just one more decision to come (from the hardest school to get into that I applied to) I'm sort of doubting that England is going to end up being an option. So it looks as though I'll be headed to California for the next few years (but that is also still up in the air).

The plan now is to move to California where I will finish some classes I have left to take that particualrly are asked for by California schools. I'll try to work at the same time, and hopefully get some money for applications (each costs a couple hundred to apply to). I'm not completely sure if I'll be in Ventura or not for the year (I'd like to be there) but also some of my HNGR bros and sistas are contemplating living together in San Diego next year, which could be appealing especially cause one of my goals for next year is to learn spanish hard core, as that will be really important if I want to get into American schools, and I would love having the community of like minded people to be with. I'm also considering the idea of living with a spanish speaking family for the year to try and immerse myself somewhat in spanish, we'll see if that works out.

Anyway, keep praying for me as my plans get firmed up and I make decisions. I'll hear officially from Southampton in April, but again not expecting much there.

Thanks for all your prayers during this crazy and exciting time of my life, to God be the glory for whatever he has planned for me.

All the best,

Michael

In light of Saint Paddy's Day...a question

So I thought this post was timely. Given my position in life, being a citizen of the "north atlantic quadrant" (as my Welsh-Canadian professor puts it), and also an Anthropologist, I've often been asked by people on both sides of the water what are the differences between Irish and American culture.

It used to be easy, back in the day to describe long lists of superficial differences when you could have said things like "Americans like Starbucks", or talk about Irish music being a uniquely Irish thing. Times have changed and globalization has hit us strong. Just looking at the surface you might be lead to think what I hear tourists say, they're just the same but we talk different. But if you are someone who has lived a year or so in both Ireland and America, you will definitely notice that there are huge differences in culture, the problem however is putting your finger on them.

Now of course, culture isn't some firmly bound set of values, beliefs and practices that are shared by all people, it is rather something that we all interact in and contribute to, and is better thought of as very general trends which can be helpful for tyring to understand cross-cultural communication.

So anyway, how do I answer that question, I usually say it's complicated and tell people to trust me that they're different. Of course I can talk about "world view" in terms of understanding of the world as a super power is different than understanding the world as a minor yet vocal player; or how Ireland's catholic roots and current relationship with the church has some interesting consequences as does America's multi-culturalism and supposed separation of Church and state.

The reason for this post though isn't to put out my musings, I want to hear if any of you have any thoughts that you'd like to share on the matter.

Leave a comment...

RENT: How do I put this in words...

I just got done watching the film version of the musical RENT. Once you get past the fact that the musical has the some ridiculous lyrics, I mean who speaks like that especially in such highly emotional situations,(I probably shouldn't even mention the 80's electric guitar riff backing track). The characters were all kinda caricatures of people who try to live the bohemian lifestyle in New York (I had to laugh whenever I saw the lead character cause he just looked so out of place (he looks a lot like my friend Jeff Hochstettler) and then the "hard core rocker" turns out to sing pop not even as hard as Avril Lavigne. Besides the bizarrely unpoetic lyrics, and cool "Saved by the Bell like" instrumentation, it is a powerful film, which I'm sure would probably be better on stage and either way is worth a watch.

It's one of those films that leaves you wanting something, not something more from the film but something more from your life. It's a feeling that's really hard to describe. I get sort of an uneasiness in the top of my stomach and my head feels like it's getting hot from my mind racing too much. It's about that X factor of life that we're all missing but desperately want, whether we're Christian or not. I think at least part of it boils down to community. We all want people just to accept us the way we are, without having to change who we are to fit them. It's about having friends stick by us in our hardest and darkest moments, like having 6 people out searching for you when you've gone back to your old addiction, or like having someone hold you for hours when you're sick and close to death. It's about that love relationship that you feel can bring you back even from death.

We all yearn for something like that. We do find it here and there, but only for moments. It's those few minutes on the train back from town when people are falling asleep around/or on half on top of you and you look around a realize you're fulfilled. It's those moments in church where a new song manages to escape cheezyness and catches you and those you're around up in worship of our Creator. But those moments always end. Someone says something to bring you back to reality, or the night ends or the worship leader decides this would be a perfect time to transpose key, and the moment's ruined.

Those moments though, usually aren't real, they're just images of something that we long for but don't fully realize. I have to believe though that there are groups out there who will fully accept us for who we are with no pretenses, who will forgive when we are our stupid selves and will keep coming back when we're lonely. Somehow, I think relationships like that are hindered by our middle class. We're too used to being in control, we have too much choice in life and this flows over into relationships.

I remember freshman year when I was having sort of a bad time with one of my good friends who lived on my floor, it didn't end up that we forgave and went back to being friends, instead he coldly told me that he had other friends and that he didn't care about restoring the relationship, he didn't need to be my friend. I was shocked, I didn't know that people so easily took on and took off friendships like that. I didn' realize how much of a whimsical choice friendship could be to people.

I don't know where this post is going. The movie raised a lot of issues that the church (which is where we're supposed to get relationships built on love and commitment) shuts out and doesn't deal with. Issues of AIDS, homosexual love, addiction, self expression, poverty, loneliness and gender to name a few. The sad thing is that this movie probably offered more hope to most people dealing with the issues above than the Church-wide message usually does. The really sad thing is that so many of us in our church deal with these issues and others.

The hope the film offered was shallow for me. It's message "There's no future, There's no past" so let's live today like it's our last. Instead our hope can rest in the knowledge that

"Christ is coming to make all things new."

____________________________________

I just found this quote from the composer and lyricist of the musical, who lived in the area of the Village that he wrote about. He said:

"With this work I celebrate my friends and the many others who continue to fulfill their dreams and to live their lives in the shadow of AIDS. In these dangerous times, where it seems the world is ripping apart at the seams, we can all learn how to survive from those who stare death squarely in the face every day, and we should reach out to each other and bond as a community, rather than hide from the terrors of life at the end of the millennium."

I can't fault his motives, and he's lived there with the people he's writting about so maybe his lyrics are authentic after all.

If I don't post now, I probably never will...

Hey Everyone,

So I've realized that the longer you go without posting the harder it is to get yourself back and posting again, so as much as I don't want to post right now, I'll give it a try.

First of all, Happy Paddy's Day! I hope you're having fun wherever you are. Chicago decided to celebrate St. Patrick's day last week with a parade and the traditional turning of the river a bright neon green colour, but today Wheaton was definitely celebrating it's own 'wear green day'. This of course means that our dining hall gets off from it's normal culinary goodness with making corn-beef and boiled cabbage....wow....and don't forget all our normal favourite desserts but with green icing or green sprinkles on top (My favourite was the "Irish Texas Sheet Cake").

Second, No I still haven't heard yet if I've got into medicine anywhere. I've applied to four schools through UCAS (The UK central admissions office) and heard rejections from my third and four choices (Glasgow and leeds respectively) and so am waiting to hear back from my top two Southampton and Newcastle (where I had an interview a two weeks ago).

In other news, this is also an important time in America called "March Maddness" where the College League basketball finals are going on. Everyone fills out a brackett with the teams they think will win each match and the one who gets the most games right wins. My roommate is pretty into watching all the games he can, and so has found that for the first time the NCAA (National Collegiate Athletic Association) is streaming all the games to be seen for free online, in really good quality, so he's busy watching away as I write. The greatest thing about watching this on the internett is a small red button located towards the bottom of the screen simply named "BOSS BUTTON." If you see your boss walk by when you're watching this game at work you simply press this button and instantly the screen turns into a highly complex Financial Spread sheet with no trace of laziness or dossing in sight. One other single clicks on one of the cells in the spread sheet brings you back to the game.

I think it's amazing, and really tells you something about the world that we live in that we have a built in feature in order to fool our bosses. That's the work ethic that I like to see.

Alright, well I've got a few other things I'd like to talk about, but I'll have to post them later. This is basically to let you all know (whoever still check my site and I know there are a few of you ...I have a counter) that I'm back.

All the best and God bless.

Weekend travel

Hey, just to let you all know, tomorrow morning bright and early I'm traveling to the distant land of Nebraska. Mark and I are going to Lincoln to visit his friends and Dana, his girlfriend of 3 years. That's going to be a good trip, I've heard many a story about this place so it will be good to go. Also, just in case any of you are avid MTV fans, the school we are going to be staying at UNL is the place where they shot the series Tommy Lee goes to College. I'm supposed to be back late sunday night, but travel may be a little crazy cause we're in for some winter storms this weekend.

Also, some of you know that our HNGR chapel is next week as part of this year's HNGR symposium. All the HNGR interns who got back this year have to put on a 45 minute chapel to try and present our 32 different experiences, with some sort of point to the whole thing. That's just kinda daunting, and let's not kid ourselves, it's impossible. So we've been working for the past few weeks on a good format for presenting at least some of our stories and some of the questions we're coming away with. One of the traditions of HNGR chapel is that we do a group dance, just to have fun (it's partly to do with people trying to be rebellious - at a conservative school like ours, dancing in chapel, used to not be so approved, not it's pretty normal) but it's also to show people some of the dance of the respective regions we were in. Anyway, this year we have two amazing HNGR girls put together a really cool dance for us. So we had our first practice last night. It's HOT. You should come if you can.

Some recent happenings...

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while, but I want you all to hear the story behind this picture.

So myself and my friend Ryan (who did HNGR in Guatemala) were waiting for our other friend Matt (who did HNGR in Nicaragua) to get back from his parents' house in Wisconsin so that we could go to dinner at this Costa Rican Fast Food place called "Il Pollo Campero" for dinner.

Matt was up in Wisconsin picking up this "new to him" car because he had finally found a full-time job and needed the car for work.

After waiting a few minutes, I get a call on my mobile. It's Matt. Here's what he tells me, "I'm really sorry I'm late, I've had a few 'complications' on the trip back." He then told me he had got in a car wreck and was in the Emergency room of a hospital about half an hour away from Wheaton. I asked if he was okay and he said, fine, just a few cuts on his hand and head, a little shaken up too, but other than that he was fine, and needed us to come pick him up. I asked about his car, and he said it's pretty much totaled, because a mini-van literally landed on top of his car.

When we picked him up I was surprised to see him casually sitting in the waiting room with just a few plasters on his fingers and hands. He then showed us this picture and we realized just what a miracle this had been. He was in the driver's seat, the wheel of the other car would have been just inches from his head.

He told us that he was on his way back to Wheaton when traffic on the freeway was reduced to one lane because there was an accident ahead. It was really snowy and the roads were slick so it's no surprise there was an accident. He had moved into the one lane and was basically at a standstill when suddenly across the median, matt sees this mini-van hit the curb and become airborn. He said "I thought it was just like in the movies I could see the underside of this car coming towards me, and then I realized, I'm going to die!" After the car hit and he realized he was still okay, his first thought was "oh yeah, the car's still in drive, better put it in park." That's matt for you.

He's not really hurt at all except for the few cuts he got from the broken glass. I praise God so much, he really shouldn't have survived. He now though has to go through all the insurance stuff so that he can hopefully get another car for this great new job of his. (He's working full-time at world relief- where I work- with their New Americans Initiative, helping immigrants get full citizenship. Keep him in your prayers over the next few days as he has to deal with all the ramifications.

Culture Shock is begining to hit me...

Hey,

So I've been in America for about 2 weeks now, but only in Wheaton for 1 week. I was really suprised at how easy the transition was going until today. The culture shock nausea has definitely begun. I don't know about other people, but my switching back and forward accross the atlantic makes me dizzy. It's unlike the type of culture shock that you go through when you travel to places like Jordan or Cambodia. There, it is easy to see some things that are difinitly different and probably what it is that is immediately upsetting you. But with the trans-atlantic change it's difficult to put my finger on exactly what it is that makes me sick and uncomfortable.

I can just be sitting in a normal conversation, and the terms people are using, or just the way they are interacting with each other are a little off than what I "remembered" or was expecting. But that alone shouldn't make me feel all that strange or produce the sick feeling in my stomach that I often get (and I'm not talking just about being in the land of mexican food again). I think the reason that I react so harshly to it is that it's something that I feel I should be at home with, I feel that since I'm an American citizen I should feel like I'm no different. But everything does feel so different. And I'm very different here. I only like part of who I am here. Here I turn into a social butterfly. I'm always out with people, I live off of people. I can't sit still. At home, I go several days without specifically meeting up with anyone. I talk more here, and less people seem to realize how full of shite I am. I say things and instead of the normal rolling of eyes, and "yeah...what are you like?" sort of reactions I'm used to, people agree with me. This then leads to me agreeing with my own ideas, and that's never a good thing.

Anyways, so I'm back, classes have been going well so far. This should be an easy enough semester (my believing that means that I will get the worst grades since I began college, cause I'm putting in no effort). I've also been running around like a mad man, moving into my new flat and trying to fill it with cheap things, and seeing as many people as possible in a day. When we first arrived at our new place we were greated to a bathroom, kitchen and small part of our living room flooded with sewage...mmmmm....sewage. So we stayed at my ex-roommate benjamin's room and by the next day they had fixed the plumbing problem and cleaned up the place so we moved in. My roommate still tells me that it smells "funky" (I'm notorious for my lack of sense of smell, so I just have to believe him), so we've been keeping the windows open a lot.

I've been so gratefull for my fellow HNGR friends. We're really forming a community, and helping each other out a lot. It's really a temptation not to associate with anyone else, but I'm really trying to resist that, I know that's not healthy.

Wow, it's finally hitting me, I'm leaving in a few hours

Well, yesterday I found out that my plane ticket had been switched by the airline without informing me (arriving a day later and so I would miss a trip that I'm supposed to be going on), so I spent a good 2 hours on the phone (long distance by the way, thanks mom and dad for your phone bill generosity) and finally got it sorted out and have a flight (Praise God). As soon as I got that sorted and also since I phoned my professor in the States telling him I might be late, it's started to dawn on me that I really am going back to the U.S. of A. tomorrow, and more specifically the Wheaton community. I'm starting to feel the stomach pains of culture shock coming on, where things just feel a bit different but you can't put you're finger on exactly what and you feel dizzy for a week. But this is it, it's my last 5 months at a place that has shaped me disctinctly over the past 3.5 years. Weird.

By the way, thank you so much for all your comments about my previous two posts. Most of you made them by email to me, and that was cool too because you could put really indepth responses, but it would have also been cool to get some discussion so each we could all be challenged by one another. I'd also like to draw our attention to the top of the blog where there is a disclaimer that basically says I hold no allegiance to the thoughts that I put down in my blog. I'm as confused about all this as others and some days I find myself being overly uncomfortable and I think, "Wow that guy's such a woman" or other day's I think there should be hard and wide distinctions in gender, and still other times when I see an extremely effective leader who is a woman, or a single father tenderly platting his daughter's hair (okay I confess I've only seen that on T.V.) I wonder what's the point of these gender things at all.

My brother mentioned the other day in conversation that the whole Metrosexual thing we see in big world cities may be a verging response to this by society (even though it might not be the healthiest of responses). Anyway, something to think about.

I leave tomorrow on an Aer Lingus flight at 13:30 and hope to arrive in Chicago at 15:50 (it's cool that they have these quick 2 hour flights now).

All the best, and it'll be cool to see some of you when I get there and I'm going to miss others of you when I leave here.

Reclaiming Our Manhood as a Society

This is a journal thing I wrote a year or two ago, but goes along well with the last post I just wrote. Again I'd love your thoughts. This one is written more from an exclusively Christian perspective and my views have changed a bit since I wrote this but I still generally agree with the spirit of it. Let me know what you think.

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I’ve realized over the past while that as a society we are facing a crisis that not many are aware of. We are losing masculinity and femininity. Why is it important that there are recognized distinctions between the genders? We are made male and female separately we are not the same and need to be real to who we are as God’s creation. It is only in the unity of male and female that we see the full characteristics of God who created both genders separate but in his image. It is important for healthy sexuality for men to grow up knowing they are men and that women are other and for women to grow up knowing they are women and that men are other. These are vital to our sexualities and our desires for one another in true love.

The crisis arises in that as a culture we have lost all idea of what is male and what is female. We have decided to define male as what is not female and female as what is not male. The problem with this is that perhaps because of the feminist movement in western society (a generally positive movement, I believe) pretty much everything is now accepted as female. Thus because of our definition of male as what is not female there is an ambiguity as to what this means. What we are left with is a view of male as an extreme form which few women have taken on as feminine. It is an extremely superficial, greedy, brutish, slob, thick headed view of the person. This is what is becoming accepted as what it means to be a man. The sad part is that for the most part of society we have accepted this view. This is not the idea that God had in store for us. Men do more than fight, love more than sports and want more than sex. Many of these things are healthy desires in men, and I don’t in anyway want to say that these things aren’t great and unmanly; they’re really needed in our society and are definitely something that applies to mainly men. The problem is that these are the only things that are seen as manly. If a man does pretty much anything else it is seen as feminine. This is not so we have let the feminist ideology trample over us, actually we have surrendered with open arms to their claim on many practices.

One example of this is dancing. Back in biblical times dancing was not seen as a feminine activity. David, one of the most manly characters of the old testament lead the entire nation in dancing. Do you think at the time anyone was laughing at him and calling him a woman? No, of course not, he was the mightiest warrior in the nation. But he danced with all his might before the lord. Am I saying that dancing should then be a male activity, no, not anymore than playing the guitar should be a gender issue. David probably was not doing the same motions and moves as the women were. His dancing was distinctly male. The issue in our society is not that feminine dancing has been labelled feminine but that the entire category of dancing has been labelled only feminine. In our society what is the choice for men to dance. Either they must learn to dance as women and in doing the things that women do, lose a sense of their God given masculinity or they must refrain from dancing. There is very little room for male dancing. Male dancers are often mistaken for homosexuals as homosexuals have found the freedom of dance but in a style that is still very influenced by femininity but since having a homosexual identity this is expected and encouraged by society.

This should not be, men need to recognize the areas of society that their involvement has become limited in since it has been given the name feminine.

I also am not trying to condemn the woman’s lib movement. Masculinity and femininity are always spectra. There is a wide range of people and characteristics in each gender and many of these characteristics overlap as we are also singly the image of the divine. I think it is important not to limit a gender as a whole in what they do. God gifts people differently from different genders. Should we not let a man who is extremely gifted with bringing up children in the lord teach Sunday school? Should we not let a woman who has been gifted with the gift of prophecy speak in front of the church a word from the lord that he wants us all to hear? My mind always runs to Deborah who was a gifted leader in the book of Judges, she was recognized because of her gifts, she was not condemned for leading nor did anyone believe she led because there was an absence of male leadership. She led because she was uniquely gifted by God in that circumstance for leadership of a nation. And she followed God’s call on her life. During the entire time though she was seen as a woman, the woman of God that she was. So why should we be so quick and thoughtless about categorizing certain things as man things and certain things as women things? Shouldn’t we let people be who God has made them and not so limited by human categories?

A long coming rant on society's masculinity....Please read this.

Well, I've been wanting to write this rant for a long time, and have already written about it a lot in papers, forum wall postings (for those Wheaton people who know what that is), and in journals that will probably remain forever unread on my computer. But I was recently reminded of it again. What am I ranting about? Well I think our western English speaking culture (I can't really speak for other cultures) is experiencing an outright offensive on masculinity and manhood (and on femininity and womanhood for that matter), and I hate the effect it's having on us.

I was reminded about it the other day when I was sitting with two women and they were saying how the boyfriend of one of them is such a "woman." I asked what made him a woman? They said, "well first, he eats chocolate." So chocolate now is another thing that makes a man less manly. It wasn't necessarily this comment that I get worked up about, but more the general culture that's behind it. Somehow over the past 100 years our society has been increasingly narrowing down the definition of what masculinity can be. It seems that the image of masculinity that our society allows now as truly masculine only really includes a reckless, aggressive, maybe violent, physically intimidating, character, such as a rugby international, or a soldier. It almost seems that anything less than this warrants a questioning of maleness or even sexuality.

I think at all times in all places there have been societal conceptions of things that are masculine and things that are feminine but I believe it is at our time that these conceptions have become surprisingly narrow and to think of the tolerant and accepting society values that we seem to be trying for, it looks as if we are going the opposite direction that we supposedly intend to be going. Michel Foucault who wrote about many things, one of them being sexuality, wrote that society may seem like it's becoming more accepting of various sexual behaviours and tendencies but infact it is becoming more controlling of them. I'd agree with this. Instead of our society becoming more open in terms of gender and sexuality we are becoming more closed by having to place people in simple categories, that they don't naturally fit into.

Let's take an easy and obvious example of this, homosexuals. Back in the 80's the media would portray homosexuals in a sort of Village people look, dressing in leather and dog collars (sort of the image in Police Academy 4- just on T.V. yesterday) we tolerated the presence of homosexuals back then as long as they stayed to our societies rules, they had to stay in their dark underground bars, wear this special uniform and only come out at night. Nowadays things have changed, but only ever so slightly. Now we put certain constraints on homosexuals which if they stay within, we will tolerate them, but if they deviate, our acceptance will ware extremely thin. These today are things like language, the words they use and the way they speak (a generally higher voice), interests (they should be interested in things like fashion and pop-culture rather than football and car engines). The fact is if we see homosexual men that don't fit these cultural expectations, we get a little uneasy. Just think of how many sports professionals that you can think of who are openly homosexual? Let's look at rappers, how many of them are openly gay? Now let's look at the other side of the spectrum, when we see men Flight Attendants or nurses what is the first expectation about their sexuality? When we see male interior designers or fashion commentators, isn't it the same assumption? We have culturally approved roles and categories that if people venture out of them it challenges our comfortable social construction.

Okay, so now you're probably thinking, "what does this talk of society and homosexuality have to do with an offensive on masculinity?" I'll get to that shortly. As a society we've given away too much from masculinity. We've made masculinity about certain activities, physical attributes, personality, and forgot that basically masculinity really depends only on one thing, maleness. If your a man and like art, your no less of a man for it. If you're a man and find that you're pretty good at the old American Football, that doesn't make you any more of a man. You're automatically masculine because you're male. The same goes with women, if you're a woman, and love fixing cars, that makes you no less of a woman, and if your a woman who is obsessed with makeup that by no means makes you more feminine. You're feminine because you're a woman, that's it. Why do we limit ourselves so much, and really miss out on so much of what it is to be human.

So where's the connection with homosexuality? I was watching an interview on Conan O'Brien the other night with one of those television interior designers who is homosexual. He had just written a children's book about a child who is homosexual. He said that even though he had written the book about homosexuality, it was a book for all people who were different. What he left out though, is that is was a book that required it's protagonist to be different in a very particular way. Some people believe that you can know if you are homosexual even when they're children (even before they've reached a sexually aware age). Many times people say they've always felt different, that they weren't interested in the same things as "normal" young boys are interested in. I've heard this a thousand times on T.V. and from friends of mine. The fact is though, that there is no absolute standard of "normal male" that they feel different from, but only from what the particular society in that particular time portrayed as normal. If a male child wants to play with a baby doll rather than a toy tank, why should we question that child's masculinity? Are we not just forcing that child into our preconceived classifications that have no real basis?

I've just arrived back from Cambodia, where men are very touchy with one another, and no question of masculinity is ever raised. You're friend will grasp you on the inner thigh if he is sitting beside you, just like an affirmation of friendship, something that in our closed culture, only really has one meaning. It's a society where you're best male friend might sit there and play with your hair, it's a tender behaviour and doesn't fit anywhere into our categories.

I was reading a book by John Eldridge one time called "Wild at Heart" talking about A man's Christian walk, I seriously threw the book across the room because I was so sickened by it's scarily narrow view of masculinity. It stated somewhere in the first few pages that little boys love to run around outside and get dirty, and that you'd never see a little boy care about having a clean room or being neat and tidy. It wasn't so much that I was personally offended by what Eldridge was saying (if you know me, you'll know I never really was all that neat and tidy) but I do know kids currently who are like that, and people who have told me they used to be like that. What Eldridge is doing (I'm sure unintentionally) is alienating boys and men who don't fit his mold of masculinity. These classifications are meaningless and usually just harmful. In alienating young men from believing that they're masculine they are turned to huge insecurities and other relational problems.

I've only scratched the iceberg on my feelings toward this issue. I'd really welcome your comments. If you think you agree but don't know how you could help change this huge societal trend, just pause and think the next time you say something like "men always" or "that's a woman thing". Once we realize how socially molded we are we can start remolding society.

Christmas

Happy Christmas Everyone! First I'd just like to say, that please go to my brothers Blog and read his Christmas post entitled "The World Right Side Up". He writes a lot of the things I'd like to write but don't always have words to express.

So a quick vote, which is more festive? The picture of 4 generations of Kingsleys gathered together around the Christmas tree or Eoin with both fingers in my nose? It's a tough decision but I know which one I choose...

Today was a great day. Our church meets in a local school and every year we need to find a different place to meet for the Christmas day gathering because we can't really expect the school's caretaker to come in on Christmas. This year two different families opened up their homes and we had a great time coming together. I was blessedthat many of the people who came to the house that we went to were people that I've grown up around in Church. I really felt like I was with family as we sang carols and shared Christmas memories, prayer requests and the importance of in incarnation in our lives. It was so nice to be informal and unstructured, they had a piano there and I decided to play along to the carols with my dad, we didn't have most of the chords, but we figured it out. It was a lot of fun.

Then we got home and Matt, Hailey and Eoin came over around 1:00 and we opened gifts together. Christmas comes alive again when there's a kid around, even though we're more excited about the toys we're giving him than he is. We had just opened our last present when the Taylors, arrived and shortly after the Covells. The Taylors and Covells are good family friends of ours, and have spent several Christmases with us. In all we had 16 people over for dinner. We had a good time and we were all thoroughly full by the end of it. My mom's cooked ham (which takes about 24 hours to cook) was the best as always and we'll be eating that for the next week till mom has planned to cook another one for New Years...

Most amazingly though, is that my sister-in-law Hailey, did great for most of the day. She even felt well enough to try some Christmas dinner. Thanks for you all you've been praying for her, it means a lot.

Well, that's it for now, I'm up late watching stupid random programmes on the telly and I'm the last one up so I should get to bed. Happy Christmas!

Christmas is the one time of the year we experience real life...

Growing up, it seemed that Christmas was the one day of the year that my dad didn't work. I mean he definitley did work, but not the type of work that he really doesn't like, such as writing reports, required correspondence, and the like. He still usually had to organize carols and the Christmas day service for our church (which many times was held at our house- imaging having 70 people cramming into your home just after opening gifts Christmas morning). But during that day, the work that we did (like cooking, cleaning the house, and all that fun stuff) was for the purpose of being with each other. The day is focused on community and just being with each other. My family sadly reflects the wider pop-culture everyday, and eating altogether around a table is only an occasional occurence, we usually eat on our own schedules and almost always infront of one of our televisions. It's strange though, even though we're reluctant to spend time together throughout the year (we're too busy), on one of the busiest day of the years, that seems to be all we want to do. Human's were designed by God to be communal. We need to live in close relationship with one another for full lives, psychology confirms that. But most of the year we live under the same house and miss it. This is one of the days of the year that reminds us who we really are.

There's been two people these past few weeks who have really given me a lot to think about...

My Grandad.

Grandpa Kingsley had his 83rd birthday the day after he arrived about tw weeks ago. It's one of those strange things for everyone in the family including himself to see him getting older. He's still the wonderful guy that he's always been but as we get older we just don't move as quickly as we used to do, and recent health problems haven't helped things either. My introduction to philosophy professor, who in his 20s suffered an accident that left him with serious physical disabilities once exhorted us to work on our strength of character as it will be something that remains. He said he decided to give up swearing when he was first in hospital when he was our age. He was in a room with an elderly man who was getting to the end of his life. This man was too weak to give out the nice clean, friendly, public face that we all put on when we are conscious that there are other human beings around, and what was left of this man was a complaining, annoyed, bitter and who's every second word began with an F. Our professor had been told that this was a generally nice and genial man, but when weakness and ill health got to him, this is what came out. In turn our professor promised himself that day that he would stop the habit of swearing so that even when he was not in volantary control of his body vulgarity (as he described it) wouldn't be what people associated him with. I keep remembering this story as I see my grandfather age graciously. I have been struck by my grandad's generous and servant heart. At every stop of the day he is there eager to serve, even though with his diminished strength, there are fewer ways that he can help out. Whenever the car stops, he is the last one in the house, after waiting to see if anything needs to be brought in. We were at the carol service of the College my dad teaches at the other day, and my grandad was helping with cleanup by holding the power chord for the man that was hoovering the main floor. At every meal he is offering his food to others, even when he has a great appetite himself. His generosity and selfless behaviour has become second nature to him. Even at this moment everyone has left the kitchen and he is doing the washing up (I think his third time doing it today). I'm sure that even many years from now, when my grandfather is coming to his final time here with us on this earth, his servant heart will still be completely evident and something that I need to learn from.

My brother.

My brother has shown me a real life Christmas. My sister-in-law Hailey has been incredibly ill and in constant pain. The worst part is that she can't keep any food or water down, and so every few days she is needing to go into hospital because she is becoming inceredibly malnourished. On top of that, the day after Christmas my brother is in charge of leading a group of 12 youth from all around europe on a 5 day trip to Ireland, and he needs to finish the last bits of organization that keep coming up. My brother has been amazing though. He's got a son to look after still, and even though he is getting loads of help from my parents and his Christian community, he's still got a ton to handle, not to mention the thought of your wife being in hospital over this Christmas time. You've got to laugh at the image of Hailey on her hospital bed in pain on the day before Christmas, in a room with 4 other women (all at different stages of pregnancy) while they're trying to get some sort of festive feeling in the clinical sterility of it all by blasting Christmas carols, when the hospital decides this would be a great time to start testing the fire alarm system. All matt and hailey could do was cry at the absurdity of it all. This is Christmas reality. Why is it that sometimes when things hurt the most and we're feeling the most intense emotions (whether high or low) is when we feel the most alive? And why do we feel that way so infrequently?

Happy Christmas Everyone!! God bless!

Defending the doctrine while betraying science.

I just finished watching a news section that was on the Evening news from Channel 4 (based in the U.K.). It was discussing a new decision in the American courts that "Intelligent Design" was not science and therefore could not be allowed in the classroom. I am little informed about the whole politically, culturally and religiously charged debate happening in the U.S. and I'm not sure the exact changes to the curriculum that were being proposed by the Dover School board, but I have been extremely surprised by the way that the issue has been reported.

I guess I should first say where I'm coming from, I'm not entirely sure, and I wouldn't stake my life on it, but it seems to me that macro-evolution is the best theory that we have at the moment to explain the formation of the universe and life on Earth. It's not a perfect theory, but it's the best we have at the moment. I'm surprised though that people feel they are defending science by silencing any voices that would question darwinianism. It seems to me that through out western history it has been only through the testing and questioning of theories that we have been able to make progress in our understanding. It really seems that the tables have turned, it used to be that the authorities had it in for scientists like Galileo and Darwin and tried to silence their views, not because of scientific reasons but because it shook their world view, now it seems the same is happening at people who would raise issues with current evolutionary theory. It is not in the spirit of science to try and silence dissenting voices. Instead, scientists need to take any proposition and deal with it on a scientific basis, not through a heated argument including calling of names. Let us not be so attached to our scientific theories that we aren't free to question them, if we hadn't questioned our previously held theories we would still believe that light was simply made of particles and that the atom looked like a plum pudding.

When people point to weaknesses in evolutionary theory (e.g. what intelligent design proponents call irreducible complexity) we should not take that as an attack that needs a reactionary and political response, we should instead take the challenge so that we can relook at the theory and improve it if necessary. The way many have been approaching this issue in the name of science, by trying to silence opposing views, seems scarily similar to the Christian Church of pre-Reformation Europe.

The Latest.

Hey Everyone! Thanks those of you who made it to my Cambodia night last night, and sitting through what I was talking about. It's difficult to know how to summarise a 6-month life changing experience in a way that others can understand and be interested in, but you were all very gracious to me and thanks for the support.

First of all I'd like to ask all of you to pray for my sister-in-law Hailey right now. A few weeks ago Hailey and Matt found out that Hailey is pregnant. Hailey's last pregnancy was really difficult where she was sick almost straight through it. Well this one so far has been much worse. She has basically been bedridden for the past two weeks and can't keep food or water down. She's been taken into hospital twice now for severe dehydration and the doctors are saying the entire pregnancy could be this way. She's in hospital right now. Not great right before Christmas, and especially as this is her first year in Ireland since about 6 years ago, so I'm sure she's missing things being familiar. My brother has been writing updates about her condition on his blog.

My grandparents arrived here from California today, it's great that they're able to come for Christmas this year, although the trip is getting more difficult as they are getting on in years.

It's getting more and more difficult to get the motivation to keep working on my research for Wheaton, but I know I need to keep going and not get distracted. So let's just say if you suddenly see an overwhelming surge of blog posts over the next few days, it might not necessarily mean I'm having a spell of inspiration.

Cambodiana

Well, I'd like to invite anyone and everyone who can make it to my house for a night where I'll talk about my time in Cambodia. I'll put together some pictures and (never before seen!!) video shots of my life there and people that I began to love. It will be on Saturday night the 10th of December at my house at 8:00, I'll probably start talking at 8:30.

I'm going to try, but no promises, at having some Cambodia things to nibble on, at least just to taste, and I promise no Spider unless I get really desperate. I may have to change that though, because there's not much in the whole "snacking" area in Cambodian cuisine.

Transitioning with out forgetting...

Well, I'm now well and truly back. Today marks the 2 week marker of me being back at home. I have an unbelievable amount of work to finish before the new year, (my research to finish and a huge paper for the HNGR programme to turn in). And instead of doing that right now, I decided it would be a good time to reflect on my first two weeks here.

I really believed that coming back would be much more difficult than it has been. I suppose part of it is that I'm a person who's used to transition and jumping between countries and cultures, but I thought it would be different after such an experience in one of the most broken countries in the world. I thought the wealth and materialism would be more shocking and that I would be more cynical, but instead I am finding myself falling into the temptations of such comfort.

That's not to say it's been a completely smooth change from a Cambodian slum to my life in South Dublin. My first few days especially I did have quite a few experiences of how strange it was to be drinking water from a tap, or to have warm water and a shower. The sensation of being in an airtight room was unnerving (but welcome in the freezing weather) and the realization of living in an 11 room house with just 3 people from a 5 room house with 17 people has been almost scary in the silence and aloness of the place.

The temptation I'm finding with myself is to just try and not think about my time in Cambodia, to imagine it was a dream. This is because acknowledging the reality of both places co-existing at the same time is a bit too painful and difficult to allow. I know though, that I have a responsability NOT to forget. If I don't change my life, my habits, as a result of this experience, is there any hope for the rest of us who haven't gone and who haven't seen?

Part of the difficulty is that again I'm in transition (I only have a month left in this current place), I also have all this academic work to get done (or to avoid as the case may be) which is impinging on the free time that I could be using this time of year. I look forward to getting back to Wheaton where there is a community of people who will keep me accountable to living the life that I have chosen and where I have a certain amount of stability and place in my school, church and (hopefully, if they take me back) job.

If you believe life, and God's plan, is all about relationship, it's difficult to begin something new when you have such a short time in a place.